Lately, I’ve been really wondering what my answer would be if someone asked me, Why Pastoral Ministry? And it makes me think to myself, “Hmm, what would I say? What will they think? What’s going to happen if I actually lean into this question and truly explore my why for Pastoral Ministry?”

Every time I try to lean into this reasoning, it always turns into some kind of identity crisis, and I end up leaving God out of it. It’s almost like I forget that I can ask God for understanding and guidance. I can pray about it. And sometimes, I need to keep asking because, honestly, why ask if you don’t want an answer?

I start off this “identity crisis” by thinking that I really don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I feel completely lost and honestly, a little dumb.

But then I pause and reflect on how I even got to the place where I considered ministry in the first place. In October of 2024, I got rebaptized. But here’s the thing—I always thought my first baptism would be the real one, but I’m being honest when I say that this was my first real baptism. It was the first time I was fully accepting God into my life and publicly declaring my faith.

That week, though, was tough. I went through so much spiritual warfare. It was hard and honestly confusing because that was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, right? I mean, I should have been filled with joy, but at the same time, I was also recovering from my first concussion in cheer. The confusion and emotional weight of everything left me feeling like I was stuck in a hole I couldn’t get out of.

I talked to my pastor about this, and I even told her, “I feel like I’m back at square one—stuck.” But she told me something that really stuck with me: “You’re not stuck. You’ve already taken the first step.”

And then something incredible happened. A week or two later, I was browsing through my school’s academic catalog and found myself looking at all the ministry programs. I had probably said a million times that I would NEVER go into ministry so it felt completely random to me.

Funny story: God loves it when you say never because, most likely, that’s exactly what you’ll do. He definitely works in funny, unexpected ways.

So, I brought up this feeling—this pull to ministry—to my small group at the time, and before I even said it, they looked at me and said, “We already know what you’re going to say.” And they were absolutely right. They encouraged me to speak with the ministry department, so I scheduled an appointment with them. While I was doing that, I also prayed about it.

I prayed, “God, if this is what you want for me, show me. Give me a sign.” I specifically prayed that I would see a female preacher speak—something I had never seen before. Little did I know, that very week, the chapel speaker was Twyler, and her sermon confirmed everything I had been praying about.

Meeting with the ministry department was also incredibly helpful. Dr. Fitzgerald answered every single question I had with clarity and encouragement. At that moment, I realized something that changed my perspective entirely: I used to believe in random coincidences. But after all of this, I can’t believe in that anymore.

I now believe that God is always working—constantly planting seeds.

This doesn’t mean I’ve fully figured out my calling—honestly, I’m probably on step three of what feels like five billion. But I’m learning to trust the process and embrace the steps that God has already revealed to me.